that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
