i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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