I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
