She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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