I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
