that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
