maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Randomize
