I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
