if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize