We won't sleep together?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize