oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
