I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
