In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
