I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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