I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
