Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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