please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize