and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
