You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
