i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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