All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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