I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
