you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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