did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
