I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
