We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
