I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
