Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
