My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize