"it" just moved
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
