my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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