God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
