It's Friday. Sex?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
