dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
