my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
