You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
