he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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