so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
