Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
