I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
