My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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