I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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