I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
