Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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