so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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