I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
