I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
