SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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