I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
