I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
