i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
