It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
