the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize