apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
