so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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