Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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