i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
