Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
