WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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