Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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