did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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