she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
