I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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