it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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