woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
