i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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