is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think a kid would responsible me up
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
