Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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